Its amazing to me how hard it is to recognize being hungry and just wanting to eat. Your mind is so powerful it can make you imagine you are hungry, when really its just needing something else.
This is definitely why I'm overweight.
I don't know what makes my mind betray my body like that...obviously something I'm not dealing with emotionally...Its interesting for me though because I am just now starting to recognize it. Learning to recognize when I'm really hungry, rather than just thinking I am, is a tool that I'll be using throughout this journey, but also after I lose all I want to lose and trying to maintain a healthy weight.
My excitement over this whole protocol staggers me because I've truly never been this sure about something. I know that this is going to work for me...As soon as I accepted the fact that I am not going to allow myself to be fat anymore...it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders (not literally unfortunately lol), but I could feel it...I don't care what I look like anymore because I know that whatever I look like right at this moment doesn't matter because I'm not going to look like this for much longer. I've committed to making this change for myself.
There will be no excuses, no leeway, no cheating, no bullshit! I will make this change and I will allow myself no less than exactly what I want.
I want to look good in clothing, I want to fit in to the clothes I dream of fitting into, I want to not feel self conscious every time I get a glimpse of myself in the mirror....I want to go to a store at Halloween and instead of bitching about how they never have any plus-sized sexy Halloween costumes- Buy one in a regular size and feel great about how sexy I'll look for Halloween(my favorite holiday). I want to eat in public without imagining that everyone is staring at me and thinking "She shouldn't be eating anything!". I want to see guys checking me out...hell I want to see girls checking me out!!! I want to go to the park with my daughter and go up on that jungle gym and slide down the slide with her worry free of getting stuck or breaking something. Most of all I want to go to my 10 year high school reunion and have every guy I ever had a crush on be staring at me and kicking themselves for not giving me a chance...
But most of all I want to feel like a human again...not some hideous monster...
Ok I'll stop ranting now...just a lot on my mind...I should have started blogging earlier in my life...its a huge stress release...maybe I'll start working on my book again (I'm a writer...kinda)
Ok have a great day!
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